I have been working in the food industry for almost 10 years, in which I’ve worked in 8 different kitchens. Comparatively speaking, that’s actually a short amount of time, because I joined the food biz somewhat late in life. The past decade has been a fun and crazy ride. I’ve made, seen and eaten some amazing food, encountered the world’s most fascinating people, worked my ass off, and in the process have alienated myself somewhat from friends and family. You know, typical chef stuff.
I’m 34, and I’m gonna be 35 in August. Running around a kitchen for 60+ hours a week isn’t as easy as it used to be. And after 10 years of hard work, I have little to show for it. Obviously I’ve benefitted from my hard work in some ways—experience, skills and knowledge being the top benefits. But I have no life outside of work. I practically never see my friends or family anymore. And I certainly don’t have any money reaped for all my hard work. Every paycheck enters and exits my checking account like clockwork every month. I dream of taking a week-long vacation to sit on a beach in Mexico (that’s not too much to ask, is it?), but I can’t afford it. So what is all this hard work for? Where’s the payoff? I’m just a hamster running stupidly in an exercise wheel, and I’m sure as hell not going anywhere, no matter how hard I try.
So I’m getting old, I’m tired, I have no balance in my life, and I’m going nowhere. I still very much love food and being a pastry chef, but a change needs to happen. Soon. I know some chef buds of mine are going to call me out for thinking about leaving the restaurant life; they’ll say I’m copping out, that I’m not passionate enough or dedicated enough to make the cut and I’m taking the easy way out. To them, I say, Suck it. It’s my life. I want more than what a regular restaurant gig would have to offer. I won’t give in to your chef-machismo.
Throughout my life, I’ve made an important discovery about myself: writing brings me clarity. I am by no means a great writer, but whenever I am struggling with something and seek understanding, I write. And I always learn something from the process.
I’m not starting a blog because I think I’m fascinating enough that people will want to read my thoughts. I’m blogging to help myself figure out what I need to do next. Not knowing where I’m going is scary, but exciting as hell. I can do whatever I want, really. I just need to figure out what that is. As soon as I do that, I’m gonna grab it by the balls and make it mine. This might start out as just a blog, but it will eventually become a manifesto. Just you watch.
