Inspiration

For me, the most difficult and important part of making a cake is the design.  Some people, like my friend Nicole Erle, are naturally gifted when it comes to design and presentation, and from the get-go just know what's going to look good and what isn't.  For others, like me, it takes a good amount of time and effort.

I do find a lot of inspiration in day-to-day life, however.  Every now and then, I see something that catches my eye, I do a double-take and I think, "That would look kickass on a cake!"  At that point, I really dork-out, and stop and take a pic of it.  

Inspiration comes from all sorts of random places... below are some pics I've saved over the years, some of which I took myself.

Cups for sale on display at Starbucks

A dress on display in a store window (love the lines!)

A henna tattoo

Whoa, how'd that pic get on here?  Sorry....

A mosaic by a local artist here in Philly

Pretty plateware I saw in a store

A FIERCE peacock clutch purse at the Wynn in Vegas

A pillbox

Stacked plates and cups 

(The other day I saw a busser carrying a small stack of plates and cups.  

I wish I stopped to take a pic, but I was crazy busy!)

I have a collection of these pics, which I've been collecting for a few years now.  I have yet to make any of these into cakes-- hopefully I will get the chance some day!

Passion, the most important ingredient

I have a pastry cook—let’s call her Middling.  Middling went to culinary school and has been working in restaurants for 3 years now.  One night during dinner service, she overheard that there was a table with a $400 bill. 

Middling: “Wow, did you hear that?  A table spent $400!”

Me: “That’s pretty good.  It ain’t the French Laundry, but it’s good.”

Middling: “The French what?” 

<jaw-dropping silence, as my eyes bulge out of my head>

Me: “Middling….you’ve heard of the French Laundry, haven’t you?”

Middling: “Um… no?”

Me: “Ok, this is your homework.  Go home, and look up the French Laundry.  Tell me all about it when you come back from your weekend.  It’s very important.”

When she came back from her weekend next Monday, I asked her about the French Laundry.  Silence.  She did not look into it.  I gave her shit and told her to look it up, and to show a little interest in her line of work.  Next time I saw her on Thursday, I asked her to tell me about the French Laundry.  Nothing.  I was so upset that I couldn’t talk to her the rest of the night. 

I figured out later why I was so upset.   It wasn’t because I was on some kind of power trip and was offended that my subordinate had not followed my orders.  I was upset because I, her boss and--I liked to think--mentor, had stopped to take an interest in her knowledge and development.  I told her it was important, and she didn’t bother to take 3 minutes to look into it.  Essentially, she was telling me that she didn’t care.  I was severely disappointed.

(In retrospect, the times I’ve gotten the angriest at work have been when people around me have been apathetic—a couple of times I even got to the point of throwing things at people, or chewing out a crowd of servers during pre-shift, definitely not my normal self!   I hate, HATE being around people that don’t care, while I’m busting my ass.)

Being a cook/chef is really tough, with very little monetary reward, so you MUST really love food.  Period.  I really do NOT understand why people like Middling, people who don’t care about food, are cooking for a living.  I hear CVS is hiring, why don't you send them your resume?  You’ll earn the same amount of pay but you’ll have shorter, easier work days.  Why the hell are you busting your ass in a restaurant?  

I have had similarly frustrating interactions with Middling since, and have decided to give up on her.  I have stepped down as Middling's mentor, and now I only serve as her boss.  I can’t get myself worked up over how another person is; I only have control over myself.  I can help a person only if he/she wants it.  During times like these, I remember a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson that I heard a lot in high school:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

I must choose my battles wisely.  

Like gazillions of people before me, I'm starting a blog. Why?

I have been working in the food industry for almost 10 years, in which I’ve worked in 8 different kitchens.  Comparatively speaking, that’s actually a short amount of time, because I joined the food biz somewhat late in life.  The past decade has been a fun and crazy ride.  I’ve made, seen and eaten some amazing food, encountered the world’s most fascinating people, worked my ass off, and in the process have alienated myself somewhat from friends and family.  You know, typical chef stuff.

 I’m 34, and I’m gonna be 35 in August.  Running around a kitchen for 60+ hours a week isn’t as easy as it used to be.  And after 10 years of hard work, I have little to show for it.  Obviously I’ve benefitted from my hard work in some ways—experience, skills and knowledge being the top benefits.  But I have no life outside of work.  I practically never see my friends or family anymore. And I certainly don’t have any money reaped for all my hard work.  Every paycheck enters and exits my checking account like clockwork every month.  I dream of taking a week-long vacation to sit on a beach in Mexico (that’s not too much to ask, is it?), but I can’t afford it.  So what is all this hard work for?  Where’s the payoff?  I’m just a hamster running stupidly in an exercise wheel, and I’m sure as hell not going anywhere, no matter how hard I try.

So I’m getting old, I’m tired, I have no balance in my life, and I’m going nowhere.  I still very much love food and being a pastry chef, but a change needs to happen.  Soon.  I know some chef buds of mine are going to call me out for thinking about leaving the restaurant life; they’ll say I’m copping out, that I’m not passionate enough or dedicated enough to make the cut and I’m taking the easy way out.  To them, I say, Suck it.  It’s my life.  I want more than what a regular restaurant gig would have to offer.  I won’t give in to your chef-machismo.  

Throughout my life, I’ve made an important discovery about myself: writing brings me clarity.  I am by no means a great writer, but whenever I am struggling with something and seek understanding, I write.  And I always learn something from the process. 

I’m not starting a blog because I think I’m fascinating enough that people will want to read my thoughts.  I’m blogging to help myself figure out what I need to do next.  Not knowing where I’m going is scary, but exciting as hell.  I can do whatever I want, really.  I just need to figure out what that is.  As soon as I do that, I’m gonna grab it by the balls and make it mine.  This might start out as just a blog, but it will eventually become a manifesto.  Just you watch.